Garbles

AB..Z's of my life

2009-08-12T11:25:00.000-07:00

More tags! Thank ye Ava :)

A – Available/Single? – Single.
B – Best friend? – Ah! I got plenty
C – Cake or Pie? - Pie
D – Drink of choice? – Corona at the moment
E – Essential item you use every day? – Lipstick
F – Favorite colour? - Black
G – Gummy Bears or Worms? - Gummy Worms :p
H – Hometown – Chennai
I – Indulgence? – Ain’t answering that one! Wink!
J – Jealous or Benign – Jealous..Growwl
K – Kids & their names? – Not yet!
L – Life is incomplete without? – hmm hmm hmm…I can’t think of anything..Damn!
M – Marriage date? - Er..I could pick one, jus that Prince charming is missing
N – Name? Your real name!! – *******
O – Oranges or Apples? – Strawberries !
P – Phobias/Fears? – Lizards!!! YUCK-ness
Q – Quote for today? – A penny saved is ridiculous!!
R – Reason to smile? - My overseas trip coming up ..YAY!
S – Season? – Summer..HaPpy Days!
T – Tag 3 People? – Chintu, Wian, Che
U – Unknown fact about me? - Hmmm…hmm..hmm..I got a cavity filled 4 yrs back!
V – Vegetable you don’t like? – Vee! Such vegetation! Unbeliveable
W – Worst habit? – Laziness
X – X-rays? – Yea I got a couple. Want me to paste a copy of my Molar mould?
Y – Your favorite food? – All spicy Vegetarian food…Love ‘em all Italian, Mexican..U name it I can eat it :D
Z – Zodiac sign? - Virgo

That's all folks!

Kambakht....what?

2009-07-08T08:11:00.000-07:00

I tried to muster enough anger to write about KI and I realized I simply couldn’t!
The movie completely lived upto my expectations or outdid it.
To start with I feel Akshay reinstates Darwin’s theory or wait, maybe not! He is still in that baboon state;
And Kareena, a being of hypomania, has always managed to tickle me pink with her illusion of grandeur
With this high a level of expectation, trust me, even RGV’s Aag will appear a Masterpiece.

When I know assault is inevitable, I simply sit with my best armour on and hope the damage is not severe enough to break down my mental health.

Story:-
Akshay is a stuntman and a gift for ladies, who, lives life his happy baboonish way. Kareena is a model to be doctor with a mixed up head, who, lives life her happy mixed-up way.

Akshay throws a fit when he realizes his friend Aftab is married; Kareena throws a fit when she realizes her friend Amrita is married.
The battle of sexes start…i.e. if Akshay calling Kareena “Bitch” every nano-second while she calls him a “dawg” is considered a battle.

Between both of them they do their best to ruin this marriage.

Amidst many a- torturous dialogues, non-existent nuances, designer clothes, Akshay’s grey hair, Kareena’s tired face we also have a couple of Hollywood actors thrown around for décor.

In one particular scene our Sylvester Stallone hands-out an award to Akshay for best baboonery and Akshay sputters some “cheep” “cheeps” and falls at Rambo’s feet for blessing.

For Christsake, A handshake suffices for me to understand how much of a god Rambo is... When are we going to do away with such absurd dramatics?

While Akshay and Kareena fight each other incessantly, meant be comical according to the Cine Lords, yet another ape jumps in and out of the screens – Javed Jaffery.
Javed unabashedly bags the ultimate insult an actor could ever get
He is not sleazy, He is not funny, He is not vulgar, he is just boring!

One fine day Akshay meets with an accident and is lead straight into Kareena’s hands.
For speedy recovery Kareena patches his intestines with her musical watch.

The musical watch sings every one hour, Akshay believes he is losing his miniscule mind and visits a deaf doctor.

The act that follows could leave a strong man like Genghis Khan in tears.
The deaf doctor on Akshay’s bare chest screams he is a married man and he needs to left alone; Such humor! Such humor!

We now have Kareena chasing Akshay, Akshay chasing Kareena and an ex-Bond heroine Denise chasing Akshay.

Kareena tries to seduce Akshay and Akshay falls in love with Kareena; the mind-blowing reason for this is the tragedies that Kareena’s mother and sister encountered in the hands of men. Duh!

Finally Kareena manages to remove the watch from Akshay’s intestine and kicks him outta her life.
Akshay heartbroken declares “I deserve you” and he goes straight into the arms of Denise! Double Duh!

Suddenly Kareena’s aunt appears and explains to her that she needn’t be the top-notch feminist as her momma was pretty lame and instantly Kareena changes from Man-hating to pouring milk of kindness to the man-kind.

The changed Kareena patches her friend’s marriage, also gives a peck on Rambo’s cheek and runs to Akshay and she says the most brilliant dialogue ever written “I deserve you”

Denise kicks Akshay into Kareena’s arms

And then they all lived happily ever after!!

Only thing I gotto say “I don’t deserve either of you”

Gawd!

"Remote"ly Connected

2009-04-07T03:28:00.000-07:00

I was nursing a headache which started from my toe-nails. My tongue felt like somebody had pulled it out of its roots. I was not sure if I had hired twins for my maid…Being this woozy simply meant that it wasn't the best climate for work! I mean I am not sure if my boss would really give me a promotion if he saw me rolling my eyes and dying on the keyboard!

So I sat at home..Sucks!

So I sat at home sick…. Sucks big-time!

Now the number of activities I could do was limited, as you know is the case with every paralytic patient.

I looked for something ingenious and thrilling to do.

And I picked up the Remote.

Never did I imagine there was grand epiphany following me!

This devious thing showed me what a misfit I had turned into…I don’t understand humanity anymore!

MTV – Holy.H.Christ…Aren’t they supposed to play music? When do they stop talking? Can someone shut the roadies clowns, these wannabe-angry-people can play havoc on a person in her death bed.

Sony TV, KTV, Blah TV – Jesus! I don’t care if you found raw dancing/singing/ crooning/ braying talent in the interiors of Middle earth. SHUDDUP!

Your gaming shows, contests, challenges are all as fake as my hair color.

Star World - Moment of Truth ! HA! Must call it Moment of Squirm!

Don’t get me wrong fella, you do host it coz you are getting a fat pay-cheque, now your victims spill beans about their flaming orgies in front o’ their families, coz you’re going to give them a fat cheque.

But why in the heavens name do you think I should watch it?

Your victim slept with his girlfriend while fantasizing of his ex-boy friend who does dope in a circus while making-out with baboons.

…And yea! Victim's mom’s B+ve is rushing into her face. .. So?

I dunno your victim from Adam, what possible thing could interest me about a stranger? Gah!

NDTV Live – Quick! Somebody stuff cotton into Barkha’s mouth..While you are at it give her a good haircut.

I don’t get it! All horrors shows are comical, all comedy shows are horrific, all singers have short skirts, all roadies guys are socio-paths that you’d never dare to encounter on a lonely street.

All Show hosts scowl and use foul language ..What’s worse, the more impolite you’re the more successful you are..

(I should say my boss can always pursue an alternate career with ‘em channels…After all his opening line is always..
“What the beep, is wrong with you beepers..Beep Beep, Get the Beeping work done otherwise get the beep outta here..” )

I stared at the remote in a glazed fear! This thing…this evil thing is poisoning me with digital nonsense!

Help!

..Can people with insanity claim gratuity?

B.A.D

2008-10-19T07:50:00.000-07:00

Babylon A.D. is set in the distant future and its’ anyone’s guess as to when the whole thing is happening.

Actually its’ anyone’s guess as to when anything is happening…

Er..Actually it’s also anyone’s guess as to what exactly is happening…

Ok! Ok! Without letting my confusion run rampant, I will go ahead and narrate this masterpiece of a dud.

Vin Diesel plays Toorop, a wanted criminal in America, but now living a hopeless life in Russia. He grunts and grumbles his monosyllables shooting one or two things here and there until he is hired by a Russian King-pin to ship an eerie looking girl, Aurora, to NY City.

Aurora has lived a closeted life in a monastery with a Martial-Arts Nun.
A**-Kicking Nun also accompanies Aurora on this excursion.
….Whose role in the movie, I later figured, was simply to die unceremoniously.

The trio set-out to travel the poverty-struck lands of Russia via a rickety old car; via a filthy train, via an odd looking submarine and via a snow-mobile into America.
Of course strewn thru their journey we have the soldiers jumping around, boxing matches, missiles’ going astray and gun-shots.

The action scenes marked is such a pathetic mish-mash of everything that I have seen earlier that I can vouch on my grandma skills to write a fresher script.

I sat thru’ this plain noise in the fond hope that the story was meant to shape after they reach NY.
…The fond hope was cruelly squashed as the noise gave way to nonsense.

In NY, there was absolutely no-way to decipher what world they were in.
The lights, the buildings, the adverts simply belong to “now”
The only futuristic thing was a taxi with a flashy, rolling advertisement.

Adding to these dismal visuals we have a twist in the tale (more like strangulation) - a virgin Aurora falls pregnant.

As the story turned beyond salvage, I used my keen detective-eye to understand the reasons for the many goons chasing the trio:-
There is a mother and father to Aurora, A mother who conceptualized her and father who engineered her thru’ a computer.

Blah!

The mother is a priestess of some sorts and wants her daughter for some random religious reasons, and the father wants Aurora because he now deeply cares for his daughter.

More Blah!

Since the priestess has some devious designs basing Aurora the father fights her goons to keep the girl.

My brethren as you know Mysterious are the ways of “God” the priestess didn’t much care to tell me of her evil intentions. It was even beyond my detective-eye to unravel.
And so in all honestly I have no idea what the father was fighting for.

Whilst the mother and father compete with one another to send the audience completely mad, an insipid romance develops between Toorop and Aurora.
And before I blinked my eye the development was over.

More chaos started reigning! Read - A story ripped into unfathomable pieces.
One such unfathomable piece is a Toorop shot in the chest to death.

But, hey, this is Toorop we are talking about, so 4 hours after his death he is bought back to life with a plastic hand.
Er..! A bullet in the chest equals a damaged hand..Er..!
Clearly Human anatomy is weird in the future.

Toorop then goes and saves Aurora and then adopts her racially different daughters.

**********************************************************************

Stop looking so hopefully at me, there is nothing more I can’t tell you.
In one line it was an absurd movie with an abrupt ending.

Drona - Freaking Nonsense!!!

2008-10-06T00:18:00.000-07:00

When I walked into the theatre there was a black ticket marketer whispering softly “Darna, Darna.., Darna..” I sniggered at his mispronunciation. Hyok! Hyok! Hyok!
..15 minutes later I realized he was sniggering at me!!!

Before I launch on the story, I would like take a minute to applaud the Director’s courage..!!! He actually aired this movie??????!!!!!

I cannot write the story as illogically as he portrayed it and I don’t think you can either, smart a**!
No one else possesses such supreme skills….

Drona starts in Europe, with a straight lift from Harry Potter with a wicked Aunt and her Dudley.
Little Drona lives a miserable life seeking solace in a blue rose petal wafting into his room
…Then Grown Drona lives a miserable life seeking solace in a blue rose petal……

Gagagagga! A blue petal????? For Christ sake at 30 if a blue petal makes a man gooey eyed????? How are we going to get him to protect the world????

Drona’s arch rival is an Evil Magician who is a descendant of As-ha-ur-ha-as- hahahahhahahhahahha…His trusted aides are two puppets. Puppets??????????
Do I look that retarded, Mr. Director????
I know a clown when I see one…you expect me to believe he is gonna destroy the world???????
…(rolling on the floor from one end of the room to the other laughing)..

Stop right there..Don’t you dare close the window! Read the rest of it …!!
…back to the story with a “Fast and furious” copy paste of a high-octane car chase scene … accompanied by a desi sound track.(Mr. Musician desi track???????)
So where was I?.. Ah! The car scene with Priyanka driving a swanky set of wheels drag racing and drifting around..
But the death eaters following them are extremely capable gentlemen…they drive another set of power wheels and catch up with the dynamic duo…
They then get out of the car and pull out their swords to fight.
SWORDS??????

Baffling!!!
Er…, Mr. Director, Did Drona come from the era of Hancock or Jai Hanuman?
Would somebody be kind enough to explain who Drona’s co-colleague superheroes’ are???

I jump a few more such baffling scenes and go to the Mother-Son moment!
Drona is very upset with the mother for abandoning him. Mother explains why she had to take such a decision… And the entire flash-back happens in cartoon strips!
Ha! Ha! And one more Ha!

Mr. Director, All I can say is, there is a limit to Cost cutting!!!

Speaking of which I must talk about an unruly Steed who could be tamed only by The Drona…
There exists a prophecy..! Valiant Drona is the only one who can tame a horse… A Horse soo powerful….
A Wilder beast!
A Magnificent Arabian species…!
A Stallion who can outrun a train..!
…gagaggaga! And then comes a short, skinny de-coloured, ill-breed mare????? (Now you know the economic crisis is real!)
…..Added to that you got both Priyanka and Abhishek riding that poor tyke?????????

For your sake Mr. Director…I pray Menaka Gandhi never watches the movie.

Now this question ate me thru’ out the movie, And I cannot help but ask.
Did Priyanka Chopra come out of a brain tumor surgery??
What was the bandage she wore thru’ out the movie?

Incredulous!

I am stumped.
I am speechless.
How can anyone churn this much of stupidity?

I am still in a shell –shocked suspended animation state and the only thing I can do now, is render y’all a profound apology.
*Profound Apology*
I am in no position to complete this review…!

Just so that you don’t think that I am totally inconsiderate by walking outta this concoction half-way thru’, I leave you with one last word on the music tracks.

Unbearable!
A thousand wailing banshees and 20 million braying donkeys would have been blessing than that noise.

p.s: Leaving the theatre mid-way I still paid 60 bucks for the car parking…Weep!!!

One more time ...All about me!!!!

2008-09-23T00:57:00.000-07:00

This time Vimmuu tagged me...

So here goes, all about me again...

What do you do when..

---You see a man making a pass (trying to woo / flirt / impress) on a woman you like?
Nothing…
I’ll wish her luck *winks*

--Some one you like, is not attracted to you?
Then I’ll stop liking him :D

--You are attracted to some one, but both of you are in two different cities?
Make him move to my city or vice versa

--You are reading a book, and your best friend wants to borrow it and can’t wait for you to finish reading, ‘coz he/she has been looking for it for all their life?
I’ll finish the book and lend it to her…if she still can’t wait ..i’ll give her a roadmap to Higginbotham’s

--You help plan his / her career, and then, they go on to achieve it, leaving you behind, alone.
Hey that’s the whole idea of planning the career…!!!that they go and achieve it !!!!
How does her/his career mean leaving me alone?????

Vimmu’s question – What do you do when you have something to tell but no one around to listen?
Dunno…talk to myself maybe …:D :D :D …

My question – Why did the chick cross the road…???
Wha??? Come-on Don’t give me that look! That is my question !!!
:P :P

The chosen victims are :
As u ask Vimmu…Aparna,
And Che : )

All about me....

2008-09-22T21:51:00.000-07:00

Er…Indiapavan tagged me and so here I am baring me-soul
..Sigh!

1. If your lover betrayed you, what will your reaction be?
I would hurt..

2. If you can have a dream come true, what would it be?
Stop growing old

3. What is the one thing most hated by you?
Lizards…gagag..Yuck!

4. What would you do with a billion dollars?
*grins* Quit work immediately!

5. Will you fall in love with your best friend?
Nopes I don’t think so….

6. Which is more blessed, loving someone or being loved by someone?Loving someone …

7. How long do you intend to wait for someone you really love?Wait???, if he is late..i’ll kick his rearside...

8. If the person you secretly like is already attached, what would you do?Gagaga…don’t think I can like someone who doesn’t like me ...
(Indiapavan…grrrrrr ..u complicate my life!)

9. If you like to act with someone, who will it be? Your gf/bf or an actress/actor?
Hmmm….don’t think I can bear to see myself on the bigscreen..I wud make a fool outta myself..

10. What do you expect of your loved one?
To dote on me always… (I know , I know! Sugary! Please guys I am allowed, am girl afterall :D)

11. How would you see yourself in ten years time?
Erm…Erm…Erm…too scary to think that far..

12. What’s your fear?
That I will live alone

13. What kind of person do you think the person who tagged you is?
Indi…gimme the adjectives u want me to fill here :D

14. Would you rather be single and rich or married but poor?
Well…at the moment I am single and poor….either of the options sound good :D

15. What’s the first thing you do when you wake up?
Shut my eyes again and go back fer another short nap…

16. Would you give all in a relationship?
yep.

17. If you fall in love with two people simultaneously, who would you pick?
How can I fall fer 2 ????

18. Would you forgive and forget no matter how horrible a thing that special someone has done?
Yep..if I love him..

19. What are your three most important expectations in love?
I got only one…”to belong”.

20. List 6 people to tag:
All u lovely people who read me are tagged :D

Rock-ed!

2008-09-08T06:13:00.000-07:00

I realize am no good at writing healthy, good movie reviews…
I can never say if the camera angle is fantabulous or the screen play is a killer or the music mix is ear-shattering…. I have no clue if foreign locales are to enhance or to pulverize a movie. Hell! I even forget the names of the main characters most times!!
…..And I just cannot write 3 paragraphs of sugar-sweet adjectives describing anything, leave alone on an excellent movie….

Er.., maybe I am just not good at writing!!

Now that I have attached 2 very “subtle” disclaimers I can go stray as much as I want from the main topic and not really talk about all the movie jargon that one needs to.. :D

Rock On is a movie of 4 young men who are driven to make music; they are even more driven to make it big as rock stars.

Aditya is the vocalist, Joe is the lead guitarist, KD is the drummer and Rob is the keyboard player.

Their young, exuberant lives is full of the “cool-yo” things of the X-generation. They make music, fall in love, go on crazy trips to Goa, are broke, are flush, sing at weddings, participate in a Channel V-competition, have their chance at fame …

And like most bands they also split apart.

They then move ahead in life; one turns into a successful investment banker, another into a weepy musician, one into a gemologist and one into a loser.
(Er..I am reserving the loser outta the 4 for myself...whoever said sheer good looks doesn’t matter!:D)

Many years later they re-unite and the band comes together one more time to give a performance.

Now while the movie would have been yet another teen-flick in Hollywood it seems completely mind-blowing in Bollywood.
Simply because..!
We don’t have a hero who drones on and on with his “advice” or classic “teachings” to the man kind

We don’t have a “Shahrukh” who occupies every screen of the movie.

We don’t have semi-clad, good-for-nothing heroines whose only role is to bat those fake eyelashes.

We don’t have a sister who either gets raped or killed before the interval.

We don’t have a nuisance of a villain whose fiefdom cannot manage a single scratch on our stupendous Hero.

…Before I go into 50 more such clichés and completely forget what I started to write, I’ll steer back …

Rock-On has such gentle humour, that is neither forced nor intrusive; no, not rib-tickling either.
One particular scene where I ended up sporting a smile even without realizing I was is when Rob walks into a coffee shop, which used to be the haunt of the 4 friends in their younger years.
He talks to the owner in fond remembrance while the owner just doesn’t recognize him. A little later Joe walks in and the owner profusely greets him remembering him instantaneously…(Well, hey! yea! Who can forget Joe :D)

Almost all the emotions portrayed are gentle; even the tragedy of Rob and his brain Tumor does not gag you down, so unlike the suffocating tear-jerkers which most movies float with.

We don’t have the mother weeping around the son perennially or the Missus doing a lunatic dance at the abode of the Gods. ..or the..er! Ok! I’ll shut up! I am sure we all know the clichés

It is refreshing to feel and live the lives of the 4 young rock stars;
(especially that of Joe *winks*…, And I will thank you all for not reminding me of my snoozing guitar!)

The movie is total fun, stylish and very Hindi-rock!!

THE END!!

Hold on!
Now I just cannot write a peachy-kin review, Can I? Have to tell you about the only grouse I have..

Mr Director, Two of your lady artists sacrifice their lives to the inadequacies of their men. And you turn one into a shrew and the other into an insipid wallpaper woman??????

Wha?????…ever noticed the women of today? They are suave, sophisticated and intelligent. They are definitely not going to play the second fiddle to anyone…especially not to a musical instrument!!
Bbbttttt!

Hail Maybelline!

2008-08-21T09:14:00.000-07:00

There is something therapeutic about shopping akin to chocolates and Will Smith movies.
Though, I like to think, my therapy needs are different.

I have these dry spells for months together wherein I go without buying even a peanut and then in one fine moment all hell breaks loose and it is Shopping Festival the whole month!!
(Er..Will Smith movies are therapeutic through-out the year however :D)

This month of the year I have been diseased by the “Shopping spree” viral.

I happily squandered away all my (non-existent) wealth in all my (non-existent) needs.

I bought me-self clothes, shoes, bags, junk jewelry, accessories…Even a fluorescent pink umbrella!!

I had it all.
Everything that a woman needs!
I owned the universe….
Until……!
…… my friend told me about a Sale on cosmetics….!!!

I panicked,
I had a fatal flaw
I didn’t have enough. (What a catastrophe!!)

So my friend and I decided to sneak away a few hours after lunch to check the colorful counters.
(Never mind we had a work deadline to meet by 5:00 p.m. This was an E-M-E-R-G-E-N-C-Y!!!!!!)

Invariably when it comes to cosmetics I end up at the doorstep of Maybelline.
Today was no different!
I dabbled with many products from various brands, until my face resembled a mud pie, and my hands and chin took on an eerie purple glow.
And then I knew the only way to salvage the remnants of my face lay in the miracles of Maybelline!!!!

I gravitated towards Maybelline counter and greedily picked many shades and colors of various girlie things. Till I was finally infused with supreme satisfaction!!
It is a feeling that you get when you are on “Damn the diet” and indulge in a huge cheeseburger, fries and some more fries and finish it with a thick chocolate milkshake…Sigh!
I digress…..

Proud with all my new acquisitions I was about to leave, when the sales lady gently nudged me towards the new water-proof eyeliner.

Oh wow! (My bank balance has already plummeted to a minus number!)

Me: So it’s new?
Lady: Yes, it’s the latest, its marvelous, selling like hot cakes..yada yada yada yada
(Like I needed more convincing!)
Me: So…how much is it?
Lady: Oh! It’s on sale! Going dirt cheap, you absolutely cannot miss the offer…yada yada yada yada
Me: Give me a digit!
Lady: XXXX
*silence*

(Ok! After that I need to sell my kidney and live on liquid diet in my painted eyelids!)

I deeply contemplated if I needed a kidney or the eyeliner
…..I still couldn’t give up on the fantastic eyeliner!!

Me: water proof, ye say????
Lady: Absolutely! Stays on for hours together …yada yada yada yada yada..
Me: Er…how do I take it off?
Lady: Oh! Easy! Just wash your face with water!

********************************************************

Tomb of Mummy 3 - DOOMED!!!!!!!!!!

2008-08-11T03:42:00.000-07:00

When I heard of Mummy 3, I went WOW.
When I landed at the theatre 10 minutes before the start of the movie and actually managed to get prime tickets. I went WOW-est.
I saw the movie. And I went YUCK!

Mummy 3 has no mummies; Did I hear a.. Wha???
Not a single “undead” falls in the dictionary equivalent of the embalmed bodies.

Well the Crummy.. oops! Mummy title is just a teaser for the forthcoming 100 minute agony.

Mummy 3 is set in China, with a suspended in animation evil-dragon-King.
The story starts with an uncharming copy of the Mummy 1 and the love triangle.
The vile King and his army is cursed by a witch and converted into terracotta dolls.

Terracotta Soldiers

We then move into Rick and Eve’s home in England, where our Brandon Fraser tries very hard to maintain his cute lines and the devil-may-care adventurer attitude.
He keeps trying throughout the movie!!!

Rick’s son unearths the King’s tomb in China and somewhere along Eve’s brother John is included.

The Tomb

Predictably the King is woken up from his terracotta.

Predictably there is a chase scene with the Connells' chasing the King’s chariot in the middle of Shanghai.
A Rick riding a headless- mummied horse??? (The next one would probably include mummied rats, rabbits and houseflies!)

Predictably there are some local guardians of the tomb waiting for the “THE BAD DAY” when the king wakes up and unleashes disgusting, evil things to the world.

Now The King needs to drink water from a holy pool in Himalayas to ward off the curse.

Predictably the Dummy King..er.. Mummy King drinks the holy water and comes back in full form.

Some more predictably snooze-filled action scenes later, the King is vanquished.

Father and Son!

Rick’s son looks more like his brother making the Father-Son moments ridiculous.

John’s clichéd “I hate mummies” 9 years after the first one, basically left me wondering if they did hire a script writer at all.

Mr. Director, read the tomb next time. It says R.I.P for a reason!

The only horror in the movie was my snoring date!!

Disconnected

2008-08-04T07:16:00.000-07:00

As I grow older and older I realize am being more and more matured and cool!
..And I am more and more disconnected from things:-

* My system crashed and I lost the entire set of photos I collected from an overseas vacation. I didn’t feel a pang of regret.

* I didn’t feel an ounce of hurt when the bottle of perfume gifted by my best friend broke.

* I wasn’t least bit disappointed when my aunty and uncle suddenly called to cancel a weekend family get together.

* When I heard a rumour about me and also learnt the source for it was a close friend of mine, I didn’t bother to check about it with my friend, leave alone pick a fight with her.
Even worse, the gnawing 25 rats playing cricket at the bottom of the stomach “feel” was missing.

* I pretend great enthusiasm about Amir Khan’s latest movie, the new joints in town, and the Saturday night parties.
I simply cannot care one way or the other.

Maybe they are simply silly!
Maybe I shouldn't feel anything for these things!
Maybe it is a weird way of unconsciously protecting oneself and not be able to feel much when things go ultra-bad.

But then I realize I lose out on so many things and still can’t seem to help it.

* The “Oh, you look so pretty” lines from the boys, doesn’t even bring out a jaded smile, leave alone the giddy sensations.

* SMS in the middle of the night simply makes me angry and not sit up and smile.

* I have completely forgotten how it feels to giggle. I have a constant plastic smile which is sported for all occasions.

* A group of people together always talk of work and oh-so-subtly try to up one another with the corporate jargon/ knowledge.

* Some songs connected with people and every time I heard the number I remembered that person.
I haven't connected any songs to any person in a long while now.

* Even when I want to desperately call a person, I don’t!
I wait till he/she does and if they don’t. I wait through the feeling, until it’s completely gone.

* Compliments come easily, praises don’t, genuine appreciation sometimes and confessions not at all.

Leaves me wondering what is so cool in being matured and grown-up.
Er.., So one doesn’t feel pain and are in better position to handle disappointments?
Ok!
So I don't feel the pain..but I also don't feel the giddy joy at the so-called silly things either!!!!
Heck!
This is simply going numb!

Brrr!
At this point, I give myself a hard kick.
I’d rather stay immature and un-cool for another 100 years or so.
:D
Also silly!!
:D :D :D

Sun Sign = Sun-ny Side up!! ??

2008-07-23T23:38:00.000-07:00

“I tell you he is insufferable, you heard that in-suf-frable.. and pig-headed, you heard that piiiiiiiig- headed”
“I agree, what else can you expect from a Cancerian”

At this I had the misfortune of being in the path of the two warring ladies.
“What do you say?” the second lady glared at me, almost daring me to say to something.

“I don’t know” I fumbled.
… I might have tapped a Nuclear reactor.
“You don’t know, You d-o-n-t know, ....how can someone …does he think he is god….he must imagine all are fools…these Cancerians I tell you…” the rants went on.

Two most dangerous colleagues of mine where chewing up some one and to decipher the cause for it would mean several hours of ear bleed.
I didn’t have the guts to walk away and face the aftermath of the torrents of hell, so I stood there patiently for the ladies to stop.
They had to!
Come now, everybody needs to breathe!

“Well..what were you saying?” One of them looked at me.
“I said I dunno”
A shrill “What???” came out and I could see the lady was collecting enough air in the lungs to go on for another 10 minutes non-stop.

In lightening speed I dived at this interval to give my two-bit ….

“I meant I don’t know what to expect from a Cancerian”
One of the ladies softly murmured “God! You don’t? A disbeliever of Linda Goodman???”
“That’s all we need now!”
“We should be going now” with those final words both the ladies vanished, This time around I must’ve definitely caused the second nuclear reactor to go off.

This exchange left me in deep thought.
I realize I am a depraved human. And nothing is going to change me.
And so I have decided to warn everyone of the depths of my depravity.

Yup!
1. I disbelieve in Linda Good-whatshername!

2. I am completely ignorant of the star signs and their relevant month and am dead sure that I will never figure out sun sign / star sign / moon sign as quickly as I can figure out Differential Calculus

3. I have no clue what a cusp can do!

4. I don’t know if Aquarian is compatible for Taurus or Capricorn or Sagittarius or Leo or any other! Help! I might marry the wrong man!

5. Scorpio means an insect in American English, Of course they have dropped the “n” out of it, its like dropping the “u” outta colours ..er colors!!

6. I don’t know if Piscians burp every time they eat noodles!

7. I believe Virgo means fear of heights, Who left out the "t" and "i"?

8. Lastly Zodiac is a Men's clothing store!!

Guitar - !@@$@#%#$$^

2008-07-17T02:10:00.000-07:00

I wanted to fly a jet, date Antonio Banderas and attend “tea parties” with Paris Hilton.
And infuse my life with extreme excitement.

Unfortunately for me, due to a miniscule problem of poor bank balance I live a morbid life which involves trysts only with MS-Office.
(…..clearly not waking up the E of excitement!)

In want for some change, some excitement…I signed up for guitar classes!!!!!

The day I bought myself a guitar, I imagined I was turning into the next rock star.
And to be readily prepared for the D-day when my talent was discovered I further indulged in rock-starish-garish clothes complete with the skull-bone chain accessories.

The moment I wore the clothes and held the guitar in hand, a zing went straight up my head.
I paraded in front of the mirror for hours together, imagined the crowds I would woo, the autographs I would sign and the famous, cute funny speeches I would make at the TV shows.

Sigh!

Reality didn’t just bite me, it bit me ferociously!!!
My guitar classes gave me fevers.
My guitar teacher spoke an alien language most of which ended with a "you are a musically dead moron".
Chords and Notes and Strings frustrated me more than a broken nail, straight after a 450 bucks manicure.
Added to this every body in my class played better than I. Sigh again!
It would be been a lot more bearable if only there was one pupil worse than me.

My fancy guitar though looks good when I hold it, sounds like a frog with a sore throat when I play it. And that is on my good days!!

After struggling with many strings, notes, Majors and Minors,
I have finally realized it was not my fault.
I chose the wrong musical instrument…..!
My calling is elsewhere!

I now own a beautiful red whistle!!!!
Pheeeweet! Pheeweet!

And Hey!!! Any clothes go with it!!

So all you folks if you are looking for a very slightly, mildly used, second-hand Guitar minus an E –string and some rock starish-garish clothes.
Please contact me.

Pheeeweet! Pheeweet!

Garbles

2008-07-02T02:41:00.000-07:00

My friend was insistent that I join the party. It was almost scary the way she insisted that I needed to join her….However as I usually ignore the soft inner voice which speaks reason I accompanied her to the party.

At the outset, the gathering did look promising.
And in my naivety I believed a few hard drinks down the gullet would definitely bring out the wild ones.

Well a few drinks down the esophagus did bring out something…; my friend did what she was best at doing, she vanished effortlessly!
And it takes no great sleuth to figure that a dark, cozy corner with a male species that she had again “truly” fallen in love with was where she could be found.

I was left to my own mechanics with a slight buzz in the head.

And this is where I made a profound discovery “pseudo sadness is as bad as pseudo intelligence”

Let me try to explain; this Ms X was very fond of dabbling with poetry and writing. All long verses and very long passages on life/ world / the big things- sad stuff.

Ms. X was shortly joined by Ms. Y who addled in more verses of poetry and more worldly words …(Their worldly knowledge brought a tear to my eye!)

Ms. X and Ms. Y were further joined by Mr. Z who poured his heart..spreading the world with excessive complicated poetry, breaking the fine spirit of happiness

Ms.X, Ms. Y and Mr. Z then included Mr. A, Ms. B, Miss C and….all the rest of the alphabets. All furiously narrating poetries, stories, passages, pouring the world with their realizations, lost loves, deceits and disappointments and what nots.
It was one giant “melancholia mela “

Now don’t get me wrong, I have nothing against such wonderful soul searching exercises. I am sure dabbling in self pity is some kind of cleansing agent….But a huge group of people, all quoting poetry down my neck, competing with one another on how sad each one could get, definitely causes a certain chemical imbalance.

I stood there under a huge cloud of gloom.. almost convinced that suicide was the best thing that could happen to me
When a lady looked at me and said “ So, my dear, tell me! Tell this poor soul, what is it all about”
“Er what?”
“What do you call a person who can’t get anything right in her life, whose life is meant to be a vortex of pain” and she made this dramatic expression with her hand clutched to her bosom.

I think it was the ridiculous forced “painful” expression, or maybe it was the third drink, or maybe it was the sadness-madness....
“A loser” I blurted out.

An eerie quiet fell on the group, everyone glared at me!
I really think suicide is a good option!

“Excuse me” I said and ran into the ladies room.

Mustering all my courage I reappeared in the room and popped into the second group .
Ms. X, Ms. Y, Mr. Z and the rest here fell under the pseudo intelligence category. Read - Braggarts

I sat there mournfully, even my drink not dulling the pain in my head. I contemplated which of the two groups was most enthralling…...

When I sighted a third little group of people, laughing!!!!!!!!!.... and basically behaving like normal party animals????

Hope! The eternal flavour of man-kind! I quickly dunked my drink, grabbed another one walked into this pack. A steely determination to salvage the rest of the evening.
I intended to waste away, laugh at poor jokes, sing hoarsely and wear my dancing shoes off till I could view my bare feet…

Like I said Hope..!!!

…….This was the pseudo intelligent + pseudo sad group!!!.......................