Monday, October 6, 2008

Drona - Freaking Nonsense!!!

When I walked into the theatre there was a black ticket marketer whispering softly “Darna, Darna.., Darna..” I sniggered at his mispronunciation. Hyok! Hyok! Hyok!
..15 minutes later I realized he was sniggering at me!!!

Before I launch on the story, I would like take a minute to applaud the Director’s courage..!!! He actually aired this movie??????!!!!!

I cannot write the story as illogically as he portrayed it and I don’t think you can either, smart a**!
No one else possesses such supreme skills….

Drona starts in Europe, with a straight lift from Harry Potter with a wicked Aunt and her Dudley.
Little Drona lives a miserable life seeking solace in a blue rose petal wafting into his room
…Then Grown Drona lives a miserable life seeking solace in a blue rose petal……

Gagagagga! A blue petal????? For Christ sake at 30 if a blue petal makes a man gooey eyed????? How are we going to get him to protect the world????

Drona’s arch rival is an Evil Magician who is a descendant of As-ha-ur-ha-as- hahahahhahahhahahha…His trusted aides are two puppets. Puppets??????????
Do I look that retarded, Mr. Director????
I know a clown when I see one…you expect me to believe he is gonna destroy the world???????
…(rolling on the floor from one end of the room to the other laughing)..

Stop right there..Don’t you dare close the window! Read the rest of it …!!
…back to the story with a “Fast and furious” copy paste of a high-octane car chase scene … accompanied by a desi sound track.(Mr. Musician desi track???????)
So where was I?.. Ah! The car scene with Priyanka driving a swanky set of wheels drag racing and drifting around..
But the death eaters following them are extremely capable gentlemen…they drive another set of power wheels and catch up with the dynamic duo…
They then get out of the car and pull out their swords to fight.
SWORDS??????

Baffling!!!
Er…, Mr. Director, Did Drona come from the era of Hancock or Jai Hanuman?
Would somebody be kind enough to explain who Drona’s co-colleague superheroes’ are???

I jump a few more such baffling scenes and go to the Mother-Son moment!
Drona is very upset with the mother for abandoning him. Mother explains why she had to take such a decision… And the entire flash-back happens in cartoon strips!
Ha! Ha! And one more Ha!

Mr. Director, All I can say is, there is a limit to Cost cutting!!!

Speaking of which I must talk about an unruly Steed who could be tamed only by The Drona…
There exists a prophecy..! Valiant Drona is the only one who can tame a horse… A Horse soo powerful….
A Wilder beast!
A Magnificent Arabian species…!
A Stallion who can outrun a train..!
…gagaggaga! And then comes a short, skinny de-coloured, ill-breed mare????? (Now you know the economic crisis is real!)
…..Added to that you got both Priyanka and Abhishek riding that poor tyke?????????

For your sake Mr. Director…I pray Menaka Gandhi never watches the movie.

Now this question ate me thru’ out the movie, And I cannot help but ask.
Did Priyanka Chopra come out of a brain tumor surgery??
What was the bandage she wore thru’ out the movie?

Incredulous!

I am stumped.
I am speechless.
How can anyone churn this much of stupidity?

I am still in a shell –shocked suspended animation state and the only thing I can do now, is render y’all a profound apology.
*Profound Apology*
I am in no position to complete this review…!

Just so that you don’t think that I am totally inconsiderate by walking outta this concoction half-way thru’, I leave you with one last word on the music tracks.

Unbearable!
A thousand wailing banshees and 20 million braying donkeys would have been blessing than that noise.

p.s: Leaving the theatre mid-way I still paid 60 bucks for the car parking…Weep!!!

23 comments:

Oxy said...

Dare you run it down like this.. Mind you, it's a classic.. It has everything to be a classic in the category "What-not-to-do-while-making-a-film"....

Drona (Small-B) was actually brutally buggered in brain soul.. How could Mr. Director choose him for that role.. Lara Dutta would have been better choice..

And you could just relate to Harry Potter and Fast-N-Furious...??? I saw glimpses of Indiana Jones, Iron Man, Krrish and many more..

The best line.. And then comes a short, skinny de-coloured, ill-breed mare Gagagagaga

Che said...

woman you are back!!!!

"I cannot write the story as illogically as he portrayed it and I don’t think you can either, smart a**!
No one else possesses such supreme skills…."

There you go underestimating me again....tsk tsk...I have a PhD in Nonsense!!!

60 bucks for parking! where did you watch it, New york city????

mystiquedew said...

Oxy, I felt brutally buggered in the brain after that Bull-Manure!

Che, yups..and ye still owe me a treat :)
Che..am warning u, if u write a piece o' nonsense like that..i will virus-attack y'r blog *glares*

Che said...

Elo? I never said no for the treat. come get it :P

mystiquedew said...

You think I wont..ye wait boy! one of these days, I am really gonna take u up on that..
And I will pick the swankiest joint in the town..:p

Che said...

haha you think that will scare me?
I am always looking for excuses to go to one of them swankiest joints :P

Quicksilver! said...

Ah! A fellow sufferer!Loved reading your review!;)Have something similiar on my blog as well;)))))))

The Quirky Indian said...

Let me do you a favour and warn you - don't watch Kidnap.

And 60 bucks for parking? Where? Where?

Cheers,

Quirky Indian
http://quirkyindian.wordpress.com

Smita said...

Am proud of you girl. Despite my warning you went ahead to watch it :D

We saw the full fillum and am off movies for few weeks now ;)

Hilarious & apt review :D lol & Priyanka head bandage...sigh!!!

vimmuuu said...

U know what, inspite of all these warnings, I am still going to catch Drona at a theatre next week. I actually want to see how bad they made it. It cant be worse that RGV AAG and Tashan, na?
I escaped last week, thanks to conjunctivitis!!!!

mystiquedew said...

Che...goody :) :) I wont so guilty abt wipin ur savings now :D

Quicksilver..
Sigh! will check ur take in a coupla minutes..

QI..
Kidnap? Noway, i am not that easy to fool the second time around :D

Smita..Sigh! I always get suckered into watchin these thingies

Vimmu...u r a very courageous man indeed..

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Che said...

Be my guest :p

Anonymous said...

looks like you had one helava good time ;)

Avionic Spanker said...

Whats it with you and bad movies? The brain tumor surgery line was hilarious :)

Mama - Mia said...

hahahahahahaha!!

oh please go and watch Kidnap and give us a review of that too!!

you are so good at this bad movie thing!!

thanks, yet again!! :D

cheers!

abha

Tazeen said...

Maan beta reunion and the entire flash-back happened in cartoon strips! now that's a first.

hahahahaha, I am actually laughing so hard that my colleagues are giving me weird looks.

alphabetworld said...

Ok...have read enough reviews of this...i'll avoid myself the pain! Thanks for the review ;)

it was a fun read!

mirrorcracked said...

Perhaps one of the best movie reviews I've read nowadays... :D
Cartoon strips? Seriously?

vimmuuu said...

Finally, I saw the Drona. I am the speechless. I am the sorry for not listening to you. I am the lucky to have watched it in a pirated DVD. Because it has been the taken away from the theatres by the time I got the well.

avdi said...

haha.. drona may be a wimp but the reviews it has generated are a howl. haha.. wonderful stuff.

Nautankey said...

Aah..seems like another person has been hit by dronaphobia :). Totally ripped apart I say....good social service though,none wud dare go near drona DVD after reading this. My deepest condolences for wasting 60mins of ur time :)

flyingelephant said...

hmmmmmm.....read it before, somewhere else. I have collected this masterpiece in my collection and kept alongwith other Fantasy classics like Tathastu & Jimmy ( if you have not seen them, your life is hollow). Unfortunately so far I am not able to keep myself awake enough till the end. But someday, I would see it. Right now, the “Iron gate lifting scene with an unique look of self disbelief” is what haunts me.
Cheers!
~uh~