Monday, June 16, 2014

And a serious Ode!



This is an ode to all to the email/message forwards about missing school, missing college, missing the 60’s, missing the 70s, and the 80s ,90’s, the yesterday, the today. Etc. Instead we are all now tied to a grind, bad bosses and what-nots.

Well! I don’t miss you!!!
(Oops did I just ostracize myself!)

Maybe I should try a little harder…

Nope, I still don’t miss you. 

Damn! I said it again!

While we are at it, let me also apologize..I am sorry. (Truly I am.) I don’t regret the Google! I would have had no clue what a “Gedankenexperiment” if not.  (Did you just Google?)

I love waking up to my crazy, cooky alarm, I love running in a frenzy to work, I love the aroma of business when I enter the building.
I love switching on my laptop.I love the heady rush of fixing problems. I love barking orders or sometimes getting barked at. I love pouring thru’ excel sheets with my colleagues. I love flitting madly in and outta meeting rooms. 

I love making sense.

I love the tasteless cafeteria. I love complaining about it even more! I love trying to talk to my non-English clients. I love to laugh with my team, I love to get out an hour early only to hear incessant panic calls and plug back-in rapidly.

I love seeing the bank balance bloat at the end of the month. I love to pick on the silly mistakes with my Finance team.

I love it all! (I think I might be hunted and shot down after this!)

There you go folks!

So all you lovely people who don’t have time to stop and smell the rose; please STOP and do it just that.  I promise you this - Our world will continue to spin.

As for the rest of us; Move it! It’s BAU!

Wednesday, August 12, 2009

AB..Z's of my life


More tags! Thank ye Ava :)


A – Available/Single? – Single.
B – Best friend? – Ah! I got plenty
C – Cake or Pie? - Pie
D – Drink of choice? – Corona at the moment
E – Essential item you use every day? – Lipstick
F – Favorite colour? - Black
G – Gummy Bears or Worms? - Gummy Worms :p
H – Hometown – Chennai
I – Indulgence? – Ain’t answering that one! Wink!
J – Jealous or Benign – Jealous..Growwl
K – Kids & their names? – Not yet!
L – Life is incomplete without? – hmm hmm hmm…I can’t think of anything..Damn!
M – Marriage date? - Er..I could pick one, jus that Prince charming is missing
N – Name? Your real name!! – *******
O – Oranges or Apples? – Strawberries !
P – Phobias/Fears? – Lizards!!! YUCK-ness
Q – Quote for today? – A penny saved is ridiculous!!
R – Reason to smile? - My overseas trip coming up ..YAY!
S – Season? – Summer..HaPpy Days!
T – Tag 3 People? – Chintu, Wian, Che
U – Unknown fact about me? - Hmmm…hmm..hmm..I got a cavity filled 4 yrs back!
V – Vegetable you don’t like? – Vee! Such vegetation! Unbeliveable
W – Worst habit? – Laziness
X – X-rays? – Yea I got a couple. Want me to paste a copy of my Molar mould?
Y – Your favorite food? – All spicy Vegetarian food…Love ‘em all Italian, Mexican..U name it I can eat it :D
Z – Zodiac sign? - Virgo

That's all folks!

Wednesday, July 8, 2009

Kambakht....what?


I tried to muster enough anger to write about KI and I realized I simply couldn’t!
The movie completely lived upto my expectations or outdid it.
To start with I feel Akshay reinstates Darwin’s theory or wait, maybe not! He is still in that baboon state;
And Kareena, a being of hypomania, has always managed to tickle me pink with her illusion of grandeur
With this high a level of expectation, trust me, even RGV’s Aag will appear a Masterpiece.

When I know assault is inevitable, I simply sit with my best armour on and hope the damage is not severe enough to break down my mental health.

Story:-
Akshay is a stuntman and a gift for ladies, who, lives life his happy baboonish way. Kareena is a model to be doctor with a mixed up head, who, lives life her happy mixed-up way.

Akshay throws a fit when he realizes his friend Aftab is married; Kareena throws a fit when she realizes her friend Amrita is married.
The battle of sexes start…i.e. if Akshay calling Kareena “Bitch” every nano-second while she calls him a “dawg” is considered a battle.

Between both of them they do their best to ruin this marriage.

Amidst many a- torturous dialogues, non-existent nuances, designer clothes, Akshay’s grey hair, Kareena’s tired face we also have a couple of Hollywood actors thrown around for d├ęcor.

In one particular scene our Sylvester Stallone hands-out an award to Akshay for best baboonery and Akshay sputters some “cheep” “cheeps” and falls at Rambo’s feet for blessing.

For Christsake, A handshake suffices for me to understand how much of a god Rambo is... When are we going to do away with such absurd dramatics?

While Akshay and Kareena fight each other incessantly, meant be comical according to the Cine Lords, yet another ape jumps in and out of the screens – Javed Jaffery.
Javed unabashedly bags the ultimate insult an actor could ever get
He is not sleazy, He is not funny, He is not vulgar, he is just boring!

One fine day Akshay meets with an accident and is lead straight into Kareena’s hands.
For speedy recovery Kareena patches his intestines with her musical watch.

The musical watch sings every one hour, Akshay believes he is losing his miniscule mind and visits a deaf doctor.

The act that follows could leave a strong man like Genghis Khan in tears.
The deaf doctor on Akshay’s bare chest screams he is a married man and he needs to left alone; Such humor! Such humor!

We now have Kareena chasing Akshay, Akshay chasing Kareena and an ex-Bond heroine Denise chasing Akshay.

Kareena tries to seduce Akshay and Akshay falls in love with Kareena; the mind-blowing reason for this is the tragedies that Kareena’s mother and sister encountered in the hands of men. Duh!

Finally Kareena manages to remove the watch from Akshay’s intestine and kicks him outta her life.
Akshay heartbroken declares “I deserve you” and he goes straight into the arms of Denise! Double Duh!

Suddenly Kareena’s aunt appears and explains to her that she needn’t be the top-notch feminist as her momma was pretty lame and instantly Kareena changes from Man-hating to pouring milk of kindness to the man-kind.

The changed Kareena patches her friend’s marriage, also gives a peck on Rambo’s cheek and runs to Akshay and she says the most brilliant dialogue ever written “I deserve you”

Denise kicks Akshay into Kareena’s arms

And then they all lived happily ever after!!

Only thing I gotto say “I don’t deserve either of you”

Gawd!

Tuesday, April 7, 2009

"Remote"ly Connected

I was nursing a headache which started from my toe-nails. My tongue felt like somebody had pulled it out of its roots. I was not sure if I had hired twins for my maid…Being this woozy simply meant that it wasn't the best climate for work! I mean I am not sure if my boss would really give me a promotion if he saw me rolling my eyes and dying on the keyboard!

So I sat at home..Sucks!

So I sat at home sick…. Sucks big-time!

Now the number of activities I could do was limited, as you know is the case with every paralytic patient.

I looked for something ingenious and thrilling to do.

And I picked up the Remote.

Never did I imagine there was grand epiphany following me!

This devious thing showed me what a misfit I had turned into…I don’t understand humanity anymore!



MTV – Holy.H.Christ…Aren’t they supposed to play music? When do they stop talking? Can someone shut the roadies clowns, these wannabe-angry-people can play havoc on a person in her death bed.

Sony TV, KTV, Blah TV – Jesus! I don’t care if you found raw dancing/singing/ crooning/ braying talent in the interiors of Middle earth. SHUDDUP!

Your gaming shows, contests, challenges are all as fake as my hair color.

Star World - Moment of Truth ! HA! Must call it Moment of Squirm!

Don’t get me wrong fella, you do host it coz you are getting a fat pay-cheque, now your victims spill beans about their flaming orgies in front o’ their families, coz you’re going to give them a fat cheque.

But why in the heavens name do you think I should watch it?

Your victim slept with his girlfriend while fantasizing of his ex-boy friend who does dope in a circus while making-out with baboons.

…And yea! Victim's mom’s B+ve is rushing into her face. .. So?

I dunno your victim from Adam, what possible thing could interest me about a stranger? Gah!

NDTV Live – Quick! Somebody stuff cotton into Barkha’s mouth..While you are at it give her a good haircut.

I don’t get it! All horrors shows are comical, all comedy shows are horrific, all singers have short skirts, all roadies guys are socio-paths that you’d never dare to encounter on a lonely street.

All Show hosts scowl and use foul language ..What’s worse, the more impolite you’re the more successful you are..

(I should say my boss can always pursue an alternate career with ‘em channels…After all his opening line is always..
“What the beep, is wrong with you beepers..Beep Beep, Get the Beeping work done otherwise get the beep outta here..” )

I stared at the remote in a glazed fear! This thing…this evil thing is poisoning me with digital nonsense!

Help!

..Can people with insanity claim gratuity?

Sunday, October 19, 2008

B.A.D

Babylon A.D. is set in the distant future and its’ anyone’s guess as to when the whole thing is happening.

Actually its’ anyone’s guess as to when anything is happening…

Er..Actually it’s also anyone’s guess as to what exactly is happening…

Ok! Ok! Without letting my confusion run rampant, I will go ahead and narrate this masterpiece of a dud.

Vin Diesel plays Toorop, a wanted criminal in America, but now living a hopeless life in Russia. He grunts and grumbles his monosyllables shooting one or two things here and there until he is hired by a Russian King-pin to ship an eerie looking girl, Aurora, to NY City.

Aurora has lived a closeted life in a monastery with a Martial-Arts Nun.
A**-Kicking Nun also accompanies Aurora on this excursion.
….Whose role in the movie, I later figured, was simply to die unceremoniously.

The trio set-out to travel the poverty-struck lands of Russia via a rickety old car; via a filthy train, via an odd looking submarine and via a snow-mobile into America.
Of course strewn thru their journey we have the soldiers jumping around, boxing matches, missiles’ going astray and gun-shots.

The action scenes marked is such a pathetic mish-mash of everything that I have seen earlier that I can vouch on my grandma skills to write a fresher script.

I sat thru’ this plain noise in the fond hope that the story was meant to shape after they reach NY.
…The fond hope was cruelly squashed as the noise gave way to nonsense.

In NY, there was absolutely no-way to decipher what world they were in.
The lights, the buildings, the adverts simply belong to “now”
The only futuristic thing was a taxi with a flashy, rolling advertisement.

Adding to these dismal visuals we have a twist in the tale (more like strangulation) - a virgin Aurora falls pregnant.

As the story turned beyond salvage, I used my keen detective-eye to understand the reasons for the many goons chasing the trio:-
There is a mother and father to Aurora, A mother who conceptualized her and father who engineered her thru’ a computer.

Blah!

The mother is a priestess of some sorts and wants her daughter for some random religious reasons, and the father wants Aurora because he now deeply cares for his daughter.

More Blah!

Since the priestess has some devious designs basing Aurora the father fights her goons to keep the girl.

My brethren as you know Mysterious are the ways of “God” the priestess didn’t much care to tell me of her evil intentions. It was even beyond my detective-eye to unravel.
And so in all honestly I have no idea what the father was fighting for.

Whilst the mother and father compete with one another to send the audience completely mad, an insipid romance develops between Toorop and Aurora.
And before I blinked my eye the development was over.

More chaos started reigning! Read - A story ripped into unfathomable pieces.
One such unfathomable piece is a Toorop shot in the chest to death.

But, hey, this is Toorop we are talking about, so 4 hours after his death he is bought back to life with a plastic hand.
Er..! A bullet in the chest equals a damaged hand..Er..!
Clearly Human anatomy is weird in the future.

Toorop then goes and saves Aurora and then adopts her racially different daughters.

**********************************************************************

Stop looking so hopefully at me, there is nothing more I can’t tell you.
In one line it was an absurd movie with an abrupt ending.

Monday, October 6, 2008

Drona - Freaking Nonsense!!!

When I walked into the theatre there was a black ticket marketer whispering softly “Darna, Darna.., Darna..” I sniggered at his mispronunciation. Hyok! Hyok! Hyok!
..15 minutes later I realized he was sniggering at me!!!

Before I launch on the story, I would like take a minute to applaud the Director’s courage..!!! He actually aired this movie??????!!!!!

I cannot write the story as illogically as he portrayed it and I don’t think you can either, smart a**!
No one else possesses such supreme skills….

Drona starts in Europe, with a straight lift from Harry Potter with a wicked Aunt and her Dudley.
Little Drona lives a miserable life seeking solace in a blue rose petal wafting into his room
…Then Grown Drona lives a miserable life seeking solace in a blue rose petal……

Gagagagga! A blue petal????? For Christ sake at 30 if a blue petal makes a man gooey eyed????? How are we going to get him to protect the world????

Drona’s arch rival is an Evil Magician who is a descendant of As-ha-ur-ha-as- hahahahhahahhahahha…His trusted aides are two puppets. Puppets??????????
Do I look that retarded, Mr. Director????
I know a clown when I see one…you expect me to believe he is gonna destroy the world???????
…(rolling on the floor from one end of the room to the other laughing)..

Stop right there..Don’t you dare close the window! Read the rest of it …!!
…back to the story with a “Fast and furious” copy paste of a high-octane car chase scene … accompanied by a desi sound track.(Mr. Musician desi track???????)
So where was I?.. Ah! The car scene with Priyanka driving a swanky set of wheels drag racing and drifting around..
But the death eaters following them are extremely capable gentlemen…they drive another set of power wheels and catch up with the dynamic duo…
They then get out of the car and pull out their swords to fight.
SWORDS??????

Baffling!!!
Er…, Mr. Director, Did Drona come from the era of Hancock or Jai Hanuman?
Would somebody be kind enough to explain who Drona’s co-colleague superheroes’ are???

I jump a few more such baffling scenes and go to the Mother-Son moment!
Drona is very upset with the mother for abandoning him. Mother explains why she had to take such a decision… And the entire flash-back happens in cartoon strips!
Ha! Ha! And one more Ha!

Mr. Director, All I can say is, there is a limit to Cost cutting!!!

Speaking of which I must talk about an unruly Steed who could be tamed only by The Drona…
There exists a prophecy..! Valiant Drona is the only one who can tame a horse… A Horse soo powerful….
A Wilder beast!
A Magnificent Arabian species…!
A Stallion who can outrun a train..!
…gagaggaga! And then comes a short, skinny de-coloured, ill-breed mare????? (Now you know the economic crisis is real!)
…..Added to that you got both Priyanka and Abhishek riding that poor tyke?????????

For your sake Mr. Director…I pray Menaka Gandhi never watches the movie.

Now this question ate me thru’ out the movie, And I cannot help but ask.
Did Priyanka Chopra come out of a brain tumor surgery??
What was the bandage she wore thru’ out the movie?

Incredulous!

I am stumped.
I am speechless.
How can anyone churn this much of stupidity?

I am still in a shell –shocked suspended animation state and the only thing I can do now, is render y’all a profound apology.
*Profound Apology*
I am in no position to complete this review…!

Just so that you don’t think that I am totally inconsiderate by walking outta this concoction half-way thru’, I leave you with one last word on the music tracks.

Unbearable!
A thousand wailing banshees and 20 million braying donkeys would have been blessing than that noise.

p.s: Leaving the theatre mid-way I still paid 60 bucks for the car parking…Weep!!!

Tuesday, September 23, 2008

One more time ...All about me!!!!

This time Vimmuu tagged me...

So here goes, all about me again...

What do you do when..

---You see a man making a pass (trying to woo / flirt / impress) on a woman you like?
Nothing…
I’ll wish her luck *winks*

--Some one you like, is not attracted to you?
Then I’ll stop liking him :D

--You are attracted to some one, but both of you are in two different cities?
Make him move to my city or vice versa

--You are reading a book, and your best friend wants to borrow it and can’t wait for you to finish reading, ‘coz he/she has been looking for it for all their life?
I’ll finish the book and lend it to her…if she still can’t wait ..i’ll give her a roadmap to Higginbotham’s

--You help plan his / her career, and then, they go on to achieve it, leaving you behind, alone.
Hey that’s the whole idea of planning the career…!!!that they go and achieve it !!!!
How does her/his career mean leaving me alone?????

Vimmu’s question – What do you do when you have something to tell but no one around to listen?
Dunno…talk to myself maybe …:D :D :D …

My question – Why did the chick cross the road…???
Wha??? Come-on Don’t give me that look! That is my question !!!
:P :P

The chosen victims are :

As u ask Vimmu…Aparna,
And Che : )