Kambakht....what?

I tried to muster enough anger to write about KI and I realized I simply couldn’t!
The movie completely lived upto my expectations or outdid it.
To start with I feel Akshay reinstates Darwin’s theory or wait, maybe not! He is still in that baboon state;
And Kareena, a being of hypomania, has always managed to tickle me pink with her illusion of grandeur
With this high a level of expectation, trust me, even RGV’s Aag will appear a Masterpiece.

When I know assault is inevitable, I simply sit with my best armour on and hope the damage is not severe enough to break down my mental health.

Story:-
Akshay is a stuntman and a gift for ladies, who, lives life his happy baboonish way. Kareena is a model to be doctor with a mixed up head, who, lives life her happy mixed-up way.

Akshay throws a fit when he realizes his friend Aftab is married; Kareena throws a fit when she realizes her friend Amrita is married.
The battle of sexes start…i.e. if Akshay calling Kareena “Bitch” every nano-second while she calls him a “dawg” is considered a battle.

Between both of them they do their best to ruin this marriage.

Amidst many a- torturous dialogues, non-existent nuances, designer clothes, Akshay’s grey hair, Kareena’s tired face we also have a couple of Hollywood actors thrown around for décor.

In one particular scene our Sylvester Stallone hands-out an award to Akshay for best baboonery and Akshay sputters some “cheep” “cheeps” and falls at Rambo’s feet for blessing.

For Christsake, A handshake suffices for me to understand how much of a god Rambo is... When are we going to do away with such absurd dramatics?

While Akshay and Kareena fight each other incessantly, meant be comical according to the Cine Lords, yet another ape jumps in and out of the screens – Javed Jaffery.
Javed unabashedly bags the ultimate insult an actor could ever get
He is not sleazy, He is not funny, He is not vulgar, he is just boring!

One fine day Akshay meets with an accident and is lead straight into Kareena’s hands.
For speedy recovery Kareena patches his intestines with her musical watch.

The musical watch sings every one hour, Akshay believes he is losing his miniscule mind and visits a deaf doctor.

The act that follows could leave a strong man like Genghis Khan in tears.
The deaf doctor on Akshay’s bare chest screams he is a married man and he needs to left alone; Such humor! Such humor!

We now have Kareena chasing Akshay, Akshay chasing Kareena and an ex-Bond heroine Denise chasing Akshay.

Kareena tries to seduce Akshay and Akshay falls in love with Kareena; the mind-blowing reason for this is the tragedies that Kareena’s mother and sister encountered in the hands of men. Duh!

Finally Kareena manages to remove the watch from Akshay’s intestine and kicks him outta her life.
Akshay heartbroken declares “I deserve you” and he goes straight into the arms of Denise! Double Duh!

Suddenly Kareena’s aunt appears and explains to her that she needn’t be the top-notch feminist as her momma was pretty lame and instantly Kareena changes from Man-hating to pouring milk of kindness to the man-kind.

The changed Kareena patches her friend’s marriage, also gives a peck on Rambo’s cheek and runs to Akshay and she says the most brilliant dialogue ever written “I deserve you”

Denise kicks Akshay into Kareena’s arms

And then they all lived happily ever after!!

Only thing I gotto say “I don’t deserve either of you”

Gawd!