Wednesday, July 8, 2009

Kambakht....what?


I tried to muster enough anger to write about KI and I realized I simply couldn’t!
The movie completely lived upto my expectations or outdid it.
To start with I feel Akshay reinstates Darwin’s theory or wait, maybe not! He is still in that baboon state;
And Kareena, a being of hypomania, has always managed to tickle me pink with her illusion of grandeur
With this high a level of expectation, trust me, even RGV’s Aag will appear a Masterpiece.

When I know assault is inevitable, I simply sit with my best armour on and hope the damage is not severe enough to break down my mental health.

Story:-
Akshay is a stuntman and a gift for ladies, who, lives life his happy baboonish way. Kareena is a model to be doctor with a mixed up head, who, lives life her happy mixed-up way.

Akshay throws a fit when he realizes his friend Aftab is married; Kareena throws a fit when she realizes her friend Amrita is married.
The battle of sexes start…i.e. if Akshay calling Kareena “Bitch” every nano-second while she calls him a “dawg” is considered a battle.

Between both of them they do their best to ruin this marriage.

Amidst many a- torturous dialogues, non-existent nuances, designer clothes, Akshay’s grey hair, Kareena’s tired face we also have a couple of Hollywood actors thrown around for décor.

In one particular scene our Sylvester Stallone hands-out an award to Akshay for best baboonery and Akshay sputters some “cheep” “cheeps” and falls at Rambo’s feet for blessing.

For Christsake, A handshake suffices for me to understand how much of a god Rambo is... When are we going to do away with such absurd dramatics?

While Akshay and Kareena fight each other incessantly, meant be comical according to the Cine Lords, yet another ape jumps in and out of the screens – Javed Jaffery.
Javed unabashedly bags the ultimate insult an actor could ever get
He is not sleazy, He is not funny, He is not vulgar, he is just boring!

One fine day Akshay meets with an accident and is lead straight into Kareena’s hands.
For speedy recovery Kareena patches his intestines with her musical watch.

The musical watch sings every one hour, Akshay believes he is losing his miniscule mind and visits a deaf doctor.

The act that follows could leave a strong man like Genghis Khan in tears.
The deaf doctor on Akshay’s bare chest screams he is a married man and he needs to left alone; Such humor! Such humor!

We now have Kareena chasing Akshay, Akshay chasing Kareena and an ex-Bond heroine Denise chasing Akshay.

Kareena tries to seduce Akshay and Akshay falls in love with Kareena; the mind-blowing reason for this is the tragedies that Kareena’s mother and sister encountered in the hands of men. Duh!

Finally Kareena manages to remove the watch from Akshay’s intestine and kicks him outta her life.
Akshay heartbroken declares “I deserve you” and he goes straight into the arms of Denise! Double Duh!

Suddenly Kareena’s aunt appears and explains to her that she needn’t be the top-notch feminist as her momma was pretty lame and instantly Kareena changes from Man-hating to pouring milk of kindness to the man-kind.

The changed Kareena patches her friend’s marriage, also gives a peck on Rambo’s cheek and runs to Akshay and she says the most brilliant dialogue ever written “I deserve you”

Denise kicks Akshay into Kareena’s arms

And then they all lived happily ever after!!

Only thing I gotto say “I don’t deserve either of you”

Gawd!

18 comments:

Vee said...

He for true fell on Sly's leg? My My.. And such an innocent claims he makes.

Anyways, Since Tashan/SiK/CC2C he is on my nerves...

Any why the hell my babe was shown as a dumb.. watch while operating? and that reason for man-hating.. urrgghhh...

Vee said...

And if it takes these craps to pull you out of hibernation, I sincerely hope we get loads of them... Where Were Thou? Long Time Eh?

mirrorcracked said...

LOL... Holy shit! Thank god i haven't seen this movie else I'd have killed myself! :)

mystiquedew said...

Vee - Yep!
And i have no access at work to stay alive on the blogosphere..:)

MC - How are you?
Good, please don watch it, we want u alive :)

avdi said...

Nope girlie.. I need my money for other stuff.. cool dresses, makeup, shoes, beauty parlour visits, books. I aint eating pricey popcorn and drinking Cola-costing-same-as-gold for THIS ...

Che said...

Lovely,

Why do you put yourself through this torture??? Those 250 bucks could have gone towards another quarter of vodka :P

On the other hand it saves me from tearing out my lovely locks by avoiding such crap :)

You need more scrabble!

Smita said...

ha ha ha..

Guess u deserved it for 2 reasons

1- It made u post something :P

2- U went for the movie even when Vee's-dumb-Babe was in it!!!

mystiquedew said...

Avdi - Best-est decision, a tube of lipstick is hundered million times betta than the movie

Che - the lovely locks are gonna be set on fire on of these days :D

Chintu - Yeppers.
Vee and dumbness seem to synonmous...

Vee.. Jus' kidding Muah!:)

hary!! said...

Thank god! still hav not seen it :)

WhatsInAName said...

Gawd!
I am so so glad I decided to stay away! And why is Akshay celebrating the SUCCESS of this movie? :DD

alphabetworld said...

Why would anyone want to watch an Akshay flick anymore?? Esp. since it has Kareena as well.

Guess she was not in normal senses in Jab We Met--hence, a good job!

mystiquedew said...

Harry - Thank god!

Wian - Dunno, but then Who can explain the actions of the primitives :D

Alphabetworld - I had lost my mind, I guess :)
How are u, girl :)

eye-in-sty-in said...

This revu was mellow! Is this thae same movie that grossed 100 crore???? (hopes it was not this one...)

rahul said...

lolz..nice review..will be coming for more keep writing!!

Harsh said...

I can't express how proud I am over my decision of not going for this piece of crap .. :-P

Mama - Mia said...

i just love it when you hate your movies so!! :p

the worse the movies get, more fun are the reviews! ;)

thank god i didnt dare this one!

cheers!

abha

Bouncing-Bubble said...

heylo na'am!
this was pammal k sambantham in Tamil!!

Tazeen said...

Who is still hiring Akshay Kumar? He was a star when I was in school and that was like so last century