Monday, August 4, 2008

Disconnected


As I grow older and older I realize am being more and more matured and cool!
..And I am more and more disconnected from things:-

* My system crashed and I lost the entire set of photos I collected from an overseas vacation. I didn’t feel a pang of regret.

* I didn’t feel an ounce of hurt when the bottle of perfume gifted by my best friend broke.

* I wasn’t least bit disappointed when my aunty and uncle suddenly called to cancel a weekend family get together.

* When I heard a rumour about me and also learnt the source for it was a close friend of mine, I didn’t bother to check about it with my friend, leave alone pick a fight with her.
Even worse, the gnawing 25 rats playing cricket at the bottom of the stomach “feel” was missing.

* I pretend great enthusiasm about Amir Khan’s latest movie, the new joints in town, and the Saturday night parties.
I simply cannot care one way or the other.

Maybe they are simply silly!
Maybe I shouldn't feel anything for these things!
Maybe it is a weird way of unconsciously protecting oneself and not be able to feel much when things go ultra-bad.

But then I realize I lose out on so many things and still can’t seem to help it.

* The “Oh, you look so pretty” lines from the boys, doesn’t even bring out a jaded smile, leave alone the giddy sensations.

* SMS in the middle of the night simply makes me angry and not sit up and smile.

* I have completely forgotten how it feels to giggle. I have a constant plastic smile which is sported for all occasions.

* A group of people together always talk of work and oh-so-subtly try to up one another with the corporate jargon/ knowledge.

* Some songs connected with people and every time I heard the number I remembered that person.
I haven't connected any songs to any person in a long while now.

* Even when I want to desperately call a person, I don’t!
I wait till he/she does and if they don’t. I wait through the feeling, until it’s completely gone.

* Compliments come easily, praises don’t, genuine appreciation sometimes and confessions not at all.

Leaves me wondering what is so cool in being matured and grown-up.
Er.., So one doesn’t feel pain and are in better position to handle disappointments?
Ok!
So I don't feel the pain..but I also don't feel the giddy joy at the so-called silly things either!!!!
Heck!
This is simply going numb!

Brrr!
At this point, I give myself a hard kick.
I’d rather stay immature and un-cool for another 100 years or so.
:D
Also silly!!
:D :D :D

19 comments:

zulu said...

I have a suggestion...

Go on for a long vacation...i suggest bali or NZ !

Oxymoronic said...

Did you just say 'disskonnekt(ed)' *winks* *winks*

I too did not feel anything when I poured my rum over an irritating chick last night who was happily roaming with dozens of friendship bands and tying them to unrelated souls (including me), u know why? Cuz I took her drink from her hand and finished it in one gulp.

I too feel the same but unlike you, I want to stay this way.

vimmuuu said...

Thats sad :(

Some of the points mentioned are applicable for me too, like the rumours created by your closest friend,etc.

But i always try to find a lill bit of happiness in the smallest of things in my life.

S said...

Girl I can give u gyan like "with age this happens or these are signs of maturity" blah blah and more blah...

But all I wud say is Chill!!! If this is the case the what??? Enjoy and don't think too much...sometimes it is better to be detached...

PS Relatives cancelling plan always cheers me up ;)

Quirky Indian said...

I think it's a combination of "been there done that" (takes the joy out of 'discoveries') and the ability to handle disappointment better..

If one could manage to get rid of the former while keeping the latter, life could be fun. And while I'm at it, let me also wish for world peace!;-)

Cheers,
Quirky Indian
http://quirkyindian.wordpress.com

avdi said...

You know I felt the same thing a while back and felt sad. N I sms'd a friend that I want to stay a child all my life.

Zulu Baba ! Zulu Baba - send me a ticket too ...

mystiquedew said...

@ Zulu, Yup!

@oxy, ye drank some else's alcohol??? Ye Sinner :D
..And u wanna stay numb?? :-O

@Vimmu, funnily all things which are smallest now were very big things at some point :)

@ S, yups! For me it depends on whether the relative comes with presents or not :D

@ QI, Sigh! If only life gave us selective "maturity":D

@ Avdi, How sad that we can never "unlearn" the lessons o'life
:)

Mama - Mia said...

dont be so mopey!!

and yes uncool is cooler than cool! :p

no but seriously, you have to work to keep the child in you alive! now when i see Cubby and the wide eyed wonder he has for everything in life, the biggest prayer i say is that may this wonder stay for as long as possible! :)

cheer up girl!

cheers!

abha

Anonymous said...

oxymoronic - maybe someone else could write about being disskonnekt-ed, eh?

mystiquedew - "You look so pretty"

-GR

mystiquedew said...

@ Mamma mia, Yup! huggie huggie to cuby :)

@ Grim, I only wish disskonekt wrote :)
@ Grim again, *Smile* (and this time not the plastic one :) )

Oxymoronic said...

GR,

U bet!!! Lol!!!

However, I do hope MD's first reply(wish) to you comes true.

Kris Bass said...

My 2 cents here.

Being mature is more fun because it gives you a better idea of the scheme of the workings of the world, most important of which are the importance of love and happiness. Most of the things that you mention, excepting some very curious stuff like giggling and stuff, are things which I also face in my life. Yet I am [proud to say this] happy!

So cheer up!

(PS: Thanks for the comments!)

LightenUp said...

Come on, it can't be that bad. I am definitely older than you and feel none of this ennui. I am keen to get up, get going, fight for things, argue, laugh at least a dozen or more times every day..

Do something different, that scares you or makes you think.

Anonymous said...

if u feel such, is it time to change the company u keep... too dull 4 ur intellect or wot?

!

WhatsInAName said...

awww Mystique!
You say THIS and I feel that I should be less kiddish! Really! Sighs!

indiapavan said...

I still consider these things most important in my life. Sometimes, small things can mean HUGE things in life. For example, having dinner with your family while chatting away happily. I still can't imagine life without all these things. Even though my brother and Sister-in-law are out of the scene because he got transferred to another city for official reasons, I tend to cherish every moment of it.

Anubha said...

hey i feel exactly the same way.. its been over a month since its happening.. i dont knw if its cuz i've become mature or if its cuz of some other reason.. how are u dealing wid it ???? i really ought to know.. i'm goin mad.. i dont like myself these days thinkin i'm changin into a heartless person..

Sakhi said...

hey, this is not maturity... as you said, its going numb.. u need to chill out girl! enjoy the life till you have it! :)

Karun said...

dame

suppuration is not a choice but a phase, we need to behave as per the lenght. "when its BIG" it has to be "O MY GOWD"

;P felt like hugging your mentations and calling them mine, BUT my suppuration does not grant.