Monday, August 4, 2008
As I grow older and older I realize am being more and more matured and cool!
..And I am more and more disconnected from things:-
* My system crashed and I lost the entire set of photos I collected from an overseas vacation. I didn’t feel a pang of regret.
* I didn’t feel an ounce of hurt when the bottle of perfume gifted by my best friend broke.
* I wasn’t least bit disappointed when my aunty and uncle suddenly called to cancel a weekend family get together.
* When I heard a rumour about me and also learnt the source for it was a close friend of mine, I didn’t bother to check about it with my friend, leave alone pick a fight with her.
Even worse, the gnawing 25 rats playing cricket at the bottom of the stomach “feel” was missing.
* I pretend great enthusiasm about Amir Khan’s latest movie, the new joints in town, and the Saturday night parties.
I simply cannot care one way or the other.
Maybe they are simply silly!
Maybe I shouldn't feel anything for these things!
Maybe it is a weird way of unconsciously protecting oneself and not be able to feel much when things go ultra-bad.
But then I realize I lose out on so many things and still can’t seem to help it.
* The “Oh, you look so pretty” lines from the boys, doesn’t even bring out a jaded smile, leave alone the giddy sensations.
* SMS in the middle of the night simply makes me angry and not sit up and smile.
* I have completely forgotten how it feels to giggle. I have a constant plastic smile which is sported for all occasions.
* A group of people together always talk of work and oh-so-subtly try to up one another with the corporate jargon/ knowledge.
* Some songs connected with people and every time I heard the number I remembered that person.
I haven't connected any songs to any person in a long while now.
* Even when I want to desperately call a person, I don’t!
I wait till he/she does and if they don’t. I wait through the feeling, until it’s completely gone.
* Compliments come easily, praises don’t, genuine appreciation sometimes and confessions not at all.
Leaves me wondering what is so cool in being matured and grown-up.
Er.., So one doesn’t feel pain and are in better position to handle disappointments?
So I don't feel the pain..but I also don't feel the giddy joy at the so-called silly things either!!!!
This is simply going numb!
At this point, I give myself a hard kick.
I’d rather stay immature and un-cool for another 100 years or so.
:D :D :D