Sunday, October 19, 2008


Babylon A.D. is set in the distant future and its’ anyone’s guess as to when the whole thing is happening.

Actually its’ anyone’s guess as to when anything is happening…

Er..Actually it’s also anyone’s guess as to what exactly is happening…

Ok! Ok! Without letting my confusion run rampant, I will go ahead and narrate this masterpiece of a dud.

Vin Diesel plays Toorop, a wanted criminal in America, but now living a hopeless life in Russia. He grunts and grumbles his monosyllables shooting one or two things here and there until he is hired by a Russian King-pin to ship an eerie looking girl, Aurora, to NY City.

Aurora has lived a closeted life in a monastery with a Martial-Arts Nun.
A**-Kicking Nun also accompanies Aurora on this excursion.
….Whose role in the movie, I later figured, was simply to die unceremoniously.

The trio set-out to travel the poverty-struck lands of Russia via a rickety old car; via a filthy train, via an odd looking submarine and via a snow-mobile into America.
Of course strewn thru their journey we have the soldiers jumping around, boxing matches, missiles’ going astray and gun-shots.

The action scenes marked is such a pathetic mish-mash of everything that I have seen earlier that I can vouch on my grandma skills to write a fresher script.

I sat thru’ this plain noise in the fond hope that the story was meant to shape after they reach NY.
…The fond hope was cruelly squashed as the noise gave way to nonsense.

In NY, there was absolutely no-way to decipher what world they were in.
The lights, the buildings, the adverts simply belong to “now”
The only futuristic thing was a taxi with a flashy, rolling advertisement.

Adding to these dismal visuals we have a twist in the tale (more like strangulation) - a virgin Aurora falls pregnant.

As the story turned beyond salvage, I used my keen detective-eye to understand the reasons for the many goons chasing the trio:-
There is a mother and father to Aurora, A mother who conceptualized her and father who engineered her thru’ a computer.


The mother is a priestess of some sorts and wants her daughter for some random religious reasons, and the father wants Aurora because he now deeply cares for his daughter.

More Blah!

Since the priestess has some devious designs basing Aurora the father fights her goons to keep the girl.

My brethren as you know Mysterious are the ways of “God” the priestess didn’t much care to tell me of her evil intentions. It was even beyond my detective-eye to unravel.
And so in all honestly I have no idea what the father was fighting for.

Whilst the mother and father compete with one another to send the audience completely mad, an insipid romance develops between Toorop and Aurora.
And before I blinked my eye the development was over.

More chaos started reigning! Read - A story ripped into unfathomable pieces.
One such unfathomable piece is a Toorop shot in the chest to death.

But, hey, this is Toorop we are talking about, so 4 hours after his death he is bought back to life with a plastic hand.
Er..! A bullet in the chest equals a damaged hand..Er..!
Clearly Human anatomy is weird in the future.

Toorop then goes and saves Aurora and then adopts her racially different daughters.


Stop looking so hopefully at me, there is nothing more I can’t tell you.
In one line it was an absurd movie with an abrupt ending.


Che said...

Well the acronym gave it away!
I mean if you go to see BAD what did you expect :P

Besides since when does VIN DIESEL act in a good movie or act for that matter?

pregnant virgin? so they even copied from bible!

Vee said...

Drona and now B.A.D.. Very BAD month.

It's my guess that it's based in 2050.

Ass kicking nun who died unceremoniously, Very BAD.. Who played that role?

@ Che,

Come on man, Vin has acted in few good ones. He ain't my fav but I have seen him acting at times...

WhatsInAName said...

oops! like Vee says, a bad month for ya!
I think now you should see DOSTANA yeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaah :P

Smita said...

I am not going near this movie by any chance...nah!!!!

vimmuuu said...

y do u end up watching BAD movies?

Anonymous said...

horrible post this is...

mystiquedew said...

che...yups the bible too..

oxy..yup B.A.D


Smita..Good idea :D

Mr. Anonymous..Yup! I agreee..
failing interest reflects the failing writing :D

Che said...

So where are the reviews of Karzzz and oh yea Desh Drohi coming up?

couchpapaya said...

where do u find these movies girl !!! poor vin d gets a bum rap in every movie .... he reached his pinnacle with riddick and no other role is the same anymore. he was good as riddick tho... ok, sorry will stop rambling, back to topic, movie sounds awful, thanks for the warning!

Ava said...

HELP .. stop having babies, they might have to live in such times..

Anonymous said...

Nice review. :D One movie in which Vin Diesel acted which I liked was The Babysitter. Nice movie that one. :)

--xh-- said...

was thinking of getting the DVD, thnx for saving the money :)

i am looking for the fast and furious 4

Anonymous said...

Great review...but what I am more interested in knowing is this: what made you go watch this film?


Quirky Indian

Mama - Mia said...

and WAHT made you watch this movie??!! :p

i hadnt even heard of it, which shows how ancient i have become!!

but then its fodder for your blog and we likes the fun!! :D



Scribblers Inc said...

Jeez...and I thought MY stories were weird!! -_- :O!!

scribblers Inc.

rainboy said...

if u really want to make a good start this months watch "Changeling"..

got here through Oxy teh Big B.

take care

Anonymous said...

All these movies sound the same! I think the trend started with that lousy excuse of a movie called Escape From NY! :D

Smita said...

A sweet little surprise for you here..

Anonymous said...

Lol...that was no movie! That's the product of a run-away brain -- or the lack of one, for tht matter!
Jeez! I respect yu for having sat thru th whole thing!

Vee said...

There is something for you here:

Tazeen said...

where are you? I miss your cracking reviews or have you stopped watching films?

Razzer said...

I'll be honest with u. I never read past the first 3 lines...cuz those 3 lines made me laugh.
Im assuming therest of the post is the same way. Ill be back to read more.
Liked my stay here. u have writing skills (like im a freakin' judge here) Keep it up.
Anand. :-)

Kush said...

You write well. And just by looking at the movie's poster one can make up what it is.

Anonymous said...

Tagged you.

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